What You Don't Know Won't Keep You Awake
by CPCoulter Writes My Canon
Summary: Julian would never admit to himself that when he found out Logan was gay...part of him had been happy BASED OFF CP COULTER'S DALTON- mild sexual references


Julian would never admit to himself that the when he found out Logan was gay, part of him had been happy.

First day orientation; he had placed himself bravely into the seat beside the blond boy, spending the entire orientation casually glancing at him out of the corner of his eye.

He was fairly attractive, any idiot could see that.

After the speeches had drawn to a close; the three boys ended up in a large hall, watching as multitudes of hungry boys groped for food. Pressed against the wall, the three hung back. Julian with his hands stuffed in his pockets, Logan crossing his over his chest, while Derek swore down at his phone.

'Dammit, what do you say to a chick to convince her you're not just trying to get into her pants?"

Logan quirked an eyebrow, "Well, _are _you trying to get into her pants?"

"Pfft, yeah. Her or this other chick, but I seem to be having better luck with this one. Any ideas?"

Logan shrugged, "Don't ask me. I'm gay."

The words had slipped out of his mouth so casually that Julian couldn't help but stare. He tried convincing himself that the leap in his heart wasn't hope, or happiness….just a reaction to Logan's upfront attitude about his sexuality.

Julian was _not _happy that Logan was gay.

…he wasn't.

* * *

><p>He left when he found Blaine and Logan in the practice room, pressed against the piano and attached at the lips. He tried in vain to convince himself it wasn't agony burning in his chest; it wasn't Logan's face invading his mind…<p>

The plane left three days later, Julian only receiving Logan's message when he landed in Hollywood, pulling his trademark dark glasses over his eyes.

_Thanks for saying goodbye_

* * *

><p>The second soloist wasn't exactly expected, Julian had only been back for a month when he realize what was going on. Logan's eyes held a spark of tenderness, his lips curved into a smile Julian never saw pointed in his direction.<p>

The movie deal came up the next day, Julian not even reading the script before accepting it.

This time…he'd stay away until he was sure…. Until he _knew _he was over Logan.

He hoped.

* * *

><p>On set he chased after full bikini tops and giggling airheads; he ran his hands under sinfully short miniskirts and tugged at low cuts shirts. He posed for pictures with his arms around three or four girls at a time; getting into their pants one by one before brushing them off in quick succession. As far as the world was concerned he was straight as an arrow Julian Larson, Hollywood's heartthrob. He'd almost decided to give it up when his phone vibrated in his jeans pocket one late afternoon as he lounged at the pool with a pair of hot twin blonds. He had no intentions of bedding them, they reminded him too much of the psychotic death duo from Windsor House. But as he casually checked the message, his heart had strained painfully in his chest.<p>

_Derek- L found himself a new toy Kurt Hummel who also happens 2 b his exes new best buddy. Hes in Windsor house apparently B and K r pretty close but Ls convinced he can change it_

The blonde beside him wrapped his hair around her pinkie finger and stared up at him, "Want to have some fun with us?" she whispered huskily into his ear, her twin nodding eagerly. Julian's eyes looked at the message on his phone and his eyes dimmed.

"Of course baby girls."

He fucked two pretty blonde's that night, but in his head he had his hands wrapped in much shorter blond hair; and the blue eyes that glazed over in ecstasy were penetrating green.

Fuck it; he wasn't going back to Dalton….

* * *

><p>His name was Eric, but Julian didn't really care about that. All he knew was that he had a talented mouth, and it was turning him on. Hot kisses worked down his bare chest, over his hips, across his thighs. From his vantage point on the pillows, all Julian saw was a head of blond hair before a delightfully hot mouth wrapped around him and he was gone.<p>

"Nnngh, _fuck_." He gasped out, his hands gripping on the off white sheets as his hips rose into the air, needing more of the sinfully good contact. The wallpaper was peeling, the bed creaked and groaned; the whole room smelt musty, but it was an upside from the bar downstairs which smelled of piss and puke. The haze of liquor in Julian's brain made it easier to pretend that in the dim glow of a shitty MOTEL sign out the window with only half the letters lit that the blond who was now fumbling for a condom- was Logan Wright.

It wasn't long before the actor found himself face down on the bed, his face buried in the pillows as he gasped and grunted; feeling the boy behind him thrusting in broken rhythms. Soon the fabric in his mouth became a blessing, as wave after wave of pleasure wracked his body and he couldn't hold back anymore, he knew Logan's name left his mouth.

By the time he woke up the next morning, whatever his name was had gone. Not that Julian minded, personally. His cell had four messages, and six missed calls that he could not ignore.

_Derek- jules logan's off his meds again _

_Derek- Jules where the fuck r u?_

_Derek- Julian u dick logan needs u I need backup here things r getting worse_

_Logan- I heard your movie wrapped last week, come back and help me shut Derek up. He needs someone to talk girls with._

The actor stared long and hard at his phone, before placing his fingers to his forehead. He typed Derek's number into the box before texting out three words.

_On my way_

* * *

><p>Curled up in his room, Julian stared blankly at the wall. His phone was vibrating away on his desk, new movie script offers pouring in by the second.<p>

He could leave.

He needed to leave.

Logan was taking over his life, invading his every thought. He needed to get out of it all.

But he couldn't.

He couldn't leave Logan like this.

Half off his meds, still somewhat pining for the boyfriend of his ex boyfriend; lost in a sea of total confusion and teetering on the brink of losing it all.

Logan needed someone…anyone. And Julian knew he would always end up being that person.

Whether he liked it or not, he was hopelessly in love with Logan Wright. No matter what he did, the pain never stopped; the hopes never died.

Logan was the only thing killing him, but he made Julian feel alive.

And perhaps, Julian mused to himself as Logan's name flashed up on the Caller ID, feeling pain is better than feeling nothing at all.

What Logan didn't know…couldn't hurt him. It could only hurt Julian.


End file.
